Funny Gambling Quotes Sayings
Posted : admin On 7/19/2022List Of Motivational Gambling Quotes And Sayings True luck consists not in holding the best of the cards at the table; luckiest is he who knows just when to rise and go home. All gambling is the telling of a fortune, but of a monstrously depleted fortune, empty of everything save one numerical circumstance, shorn of all such richness as a voyage across the water, a fair man that loves you, a dark woman that means you harm. Jan 13, 2020 - Explore Elite Casino Events's board 'Casino Quotes!' , followed by 126 people on Pinterest. See more ideas about casino quotes, casino, quotes.
Let funny Confucius quotes, jokes and sayings spice up your day ... or so 'Confucius say' - he 'say' a lot by the way (read more about facts and rules for Confucius quotes here)
• So if we may, 'Quotescoop.com say' ... please, enjoy yourself ... and have a nice dayHilarious Confucius Quotes That Will Make You Go 'Nuts'
Confucius say: Baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.
Confucius say: Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag.
Confucius say: A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish, but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts.
Funny Confucius Sayings about Man and Woman
Confucius say: Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.
Confucius say: Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!
Confucius say: He who let woman on top is fucking up.
Confucius say: Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets tit-bit.
Confucius say: Man with hard problem usually give it to woman.
Confucius say: Man who dates dynamite lady, gets big bang out of her.
Funny Gambling Quotes Sayings Quotes
Some Confucius Jokes all Ready to Flush
Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!
Confucius say: House without toilet is uncanny.
Confucius say: Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.
Confucius say: Fly which rests on toilet seat gets pissed off.
Confucius Quotes That Would Make Confucius Feel Right Back at Home
Confucius say: Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Confucius say: Gay man in Chinese restaurant will order 'sum yung guy'.
Confucius say: Chinese couple who have white baby, name it ' Sum Ting Wong'
Confucius say: If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented.
Animalistic Confucius Jokes - Don't Take Pet
Confucius say: Man who throw a cat out car window, makes kitty litter.
Confucius say: Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.
Confucius say: Hamsters which crawl into the wrong orifice get shit-faced.
Confucius say: Squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts, man lay on crack and rock nuts. Confucius say: Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.
Confucius Kiss-and-tell Jokes
Confucius say: Passionate kiss like spider's web soon lead to undoing of fly.
Confucius say: Man who snatch kisses when young, kisses snatches when old. s when old.
Confucius say: Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face. Confucius say: Girl who marry detective must kiss dick.
Funny Confucius Quotes That Make You Face the Music
Confucius say: Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
Confucius say: Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.
And Now for Some Sharp Confucius jokes
Confucius say: Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.
Confucius say: Man who sit on tack get point! get point!
Confucius say: Butcher who back into meat-grinder, get a little behind in his orders.
Confucius say: He who has a sharp tongue cuts own throat.
Confucius' World of Make-believe
Confucius say: Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs.
Confucius say: Men who put cream in tart, not always a baker.
Confucius say: Woman who go camping must beware of evil intent.
Confucius say: Man who checks out woman's package, dosen't always work for UPS.
Confucius say: When man bring wife flowers for no reason, there usually reason.
Hilarious Confucius Quotes Heading for Trouble
Confucius say: He who stick head in open window get pane in neck.
Confucius say: Man with head up ass, can't see for shit.
Sayings About Gambling
Confucius say: Man who mix Rogaine with Viagra will end up hard headed.
Confucius say: He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
Rash Confucius Jokes
Confucius say: Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!
Confucius say: Man piss in wind, wind piss back.
Confucius say: Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed.
Confucius say: He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind.
Random Stuff from Funny Confucius
Funny Gambling Quotes Sayings Memes
Confucius say: Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.
Confucius say: Man who have circumcision lose a bit of foresight.
Confucius say: Man who masturbate only screwing self.
Confucius say: Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things.
Confucius say: Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
Confucius say: Sex is like the army, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel.
Confucius say: He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot.
Confucius say: Man with one foot on 'yesterday' and one foot on 'tomorrow' will end up pissing on 'today'.
Confucius say: Woman who come to bed wearing nothing but running shoes, wants to have marathon session.
Confucius say: Prostitute who likes bondage is usually strapped for cash.
Confucius say: A butler with no teeth is called an in-dentured servant.
Confucius say: Man who give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach will 'Abdicate'.
Confucius say: Man who is impotent will have Willy-nilly.
Confucius say: Mummys who take vacation, will relax and unwind.
Confucius say: Man who pamper his cow, will get spoiled milk.
Confucius say: Woman who fall in love with elevator operator, usually get the shaft.
Confucius say: Woman who dates gambler, gets cheated on.
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Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes as good, upload them at the bottom of this page.
1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that they would find Maddie, at 1000-1 odds. That way, if they ever do find her, I’ll be able to afford a fucking good lawyer.
Check out Really Funny Lawyer Jokes
2) Chuck-E-Cheese, because it’s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.
3) My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.
4) Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they’re the best, but most people don’t have a clue what they’re doing. Dutch Boyd
Check out Really Funny Sex Jokes
5) What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it.
6) A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, “What is going on? Why aren’t you playing?” The blond girl replied, “I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!”
Check out some of the funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes ever
7) Why didn’t the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.
8) They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money’s on Dave.
Check out Really Funny Money Jokes
9) What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table? I thought you were a cheetah.
10) What’s the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes
11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.
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12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.
13) I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed.
Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published
14) Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
15) “I am looking for the book named ‘How to win easily and fast with poker.'” “Please check at the fantastic literature counter.”
16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
“Where the fuck have you been?” screamed my wife.
I said, “I’ve been playing poker with some blokes.”
“Playing poker with some blokes?” she repeated. “Well, you can pack your bags and go!”
“So can you,” I said. “This isn’t our house anymore.”
17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”
The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”
The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.
“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.
The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”
“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.
“Like what?” asked the bartender.
“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,” he said.
The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
“Aw, you screwed me again!” protested the bartender.
“That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,” said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.”
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!”
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”
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Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia.org 2. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us.com